- O accepts prepaid swear accounts. I paid 5 bucks on Thursday and I still have 6 shits and a few traffic swears left. (O is the daughter.)
- I've made a terribly racist error. I always thought it was, "knicker knocking." You know, you knock on a door and run away before it's answered and you're kind of an ass, like someone who wears knickers. But it's not knicker knocking, it's called something else.
- I just slayed some yoga at the Y with the wif. [sic] The trick is to exhale on the extensions, be aware of your core at all times, and sit near the mirror so you're the first to know when your balls came out of your shorts.
- I almost crotched a midget coming around a corner. Wait, that's not very PC. I almost loined a midget coming around a corner.
- You know who doesn't give a crap? Fat people jogging. You just can't be civil when you have shoulder fat boxing your ears. They could at least wave back.
- Z- "..my poop looked-ed like a bat-a-rang. And when I flushed-ed it, it looked-ed like a bat-a-rang twirling to get the bad guys." I like having kids. (Z is the very-young son.)
- ... in a surprising turn of fortune for the Jones estate's Chief Laundress, Zeke has discovered the joys of going commando.
- Actual quote from my seminar yesterday, "paramount to understanding this economic miracle are the 4 T's: Tourism, Transportation, Telecommunication, and the other T."
- One day they will develop incredibly sensitive detection devices to alert other riders as to the identity of, "he who dealt it." Until then, I will glance menacingly at the fattest person on the elevator, making no secret of my apparent suspicions. "It was the portly one," my eyes will say, and none will be the wiser.
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